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Think Like A Horse - Cowboy Wisdom
Rick Gore Horsemanship
Horses love it when their owners understand them.
Horsemanship is about the horse teaching you about yourself.
Cowboy Wisdom:
| Old Country Sayings/Colloquialism | The Guy in Glass | Horse Quotes |
| CONFUCIUS QUOTES | Horse Idioms Meaning of Horse Sayings | This Old Horse Poem |
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or man, don't be surprised if they learn the lesson.
It is easier to acknowledge your horse's faults, once you have acknowledged your own.
The problem with people is that intelligent people are full of doubt and the stupid people are full of confidence.
Crazy horse myths are started as gossip, spread by fools and accepted by idiots.
Pretty words are not always true and true words are not always pretty.
Horses are God's apology for man.
Every horse, at least once in its life, deserves to be loved by a little girl.
Just cause trouble comes visiting doesn't mean you have to offer it a place to sit down.
What this country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
You can't weigh the facts if you got the scales weighed down with your own opinions.
If you want to liven up the conversation, just say the right thing, the wrong way.
Don't make a long story short just so you can tell another one.
If you are riding a high horse, there ain't no way to get down off it gracefully.
However one sided a man may be, he will have other sides if you look hard enough.
My treasurers do not twinkle or glitter, they neigh in the night and glow in the sun.
If you always do what you have done, you will always get what you have got.
Man, I will never forget old what's her name.
A wise man speaks because he has something to say, a fool speaks because he has to say something.
Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
A gun is a tool, no better or worse than any other tool. A gun is as good or bad as the man using it.
In the land of the blind, the man with one eye is King.
Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.
You can have horses or you can have money, but you can't have them both.
Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.
If it doesn't seem worth the effort, it probably isn't.
If you think you can or think you can't, you're are probably right.
Don't mess with something that isn't bothering you.
What a horse does under compulsion - is done without understanding and it is done without understanding and there is no beauty in it.... anymore than if you took a spur or whip to a dancer.
It is hard to make a comeback, when you haven't been anywhere.
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
There are three kinds of men: the ones that learn by reading; the few who learn by observation; the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence.
Life ain't so short that you can't take time to hear a man out.
When you get bucked off, the easiest way to explain it is you dropped your hat and got in a hurry to pick it up.
Nothing keeps you honest more that witnesses.
Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.
There is a high cost to low living.
A tyrant will always find a pretext for his ternary.
A week spent around the campfire will tell you more about a man than living next to him for 10 years.
Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.
You are not being diplomatic just because you put please in front of Shut the hell up.
There are rules about riding a horse, but the horse won't necessarily know them.
You generally learn the value of money from the lack of it.
A horse ain't being polite when he comes to a fence and lets you go over first.
Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.
The bigger the mouth, the better it looks shut.
When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.
If there is a hole in your story or your fence, something you rather did not get out, will.
Just because you are traveling a well marked trail, doesn't mean whoever made it knew where they was going.
Whether the glass is half-full or half empty, depends on whether you are drinking or pouring.
Money may buy you a dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
The quieter you are, the more you can hear.
Never believe anybody that says their horse doesn't kick.
There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.
Don't name a pig you plan to eat.
Trouble is a private thing, don't lend it and don't borrow it.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps
Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.
The fights you avoid do you far more good than the ones you will win.
A bumblebee is faster than a tractor.Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.
Don't gobble in the woods during hunting season.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
Country folks will help a fella who is down on his luck, but they got no patience for freeloaders.
Going to bed angry ain't no fun, but it is better than fighting all night.
Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
Folks don't change, they just get more so.
Don't corner something that is meaner than you.
A gentlemen will not shoot a roosting bird and will only fish with a pole and not a net.
Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things weeds or flowers.
It don't take a very big man to carry a grudge.
The best sermons are lived not preached.
You cannot blame a worm for not wanting to go fishing.
Don't sneeze behind a skittish horse.
A smart horse makes you work harder, but gives you the gift of knowledge.
A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor, a perfect horse never made a horseman.
Being neighborly don't mean sticking your nose in somebody's business.
Don't ride a new path at a full trot.
An ignorant fella is hell-bent on proving his limitations.
Do not follow a path, go where there is no path and leave a trail
Small minds and big mouths have a way of hooking up.
Firewood warms you twice, when you cut it and when you burn it.
A mule can't help it if his daddy is a jackass.
Don't stand behind a coughing cow.
The difference between young liars and old thieves is just a matter of time.
An ounce of doing is worth a pound of talk.
Some folks have 20 years of experience; others have one year of experience 20 times.
It is easier to patch a broken mirror than a reputation.
You can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking you used to create them.
There are lots of country jobs, but few positions.
Some fellas have more wishbone than backbone.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
If wishes were horses, some folks would need a lot of hay.
In your walks of life you will come upon piles of horse droppings, you can walk around them or jump in the middle of them; the choice is yours.
A shallow brook is noisiest.
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.
There is nothing like facts to mess up a good story.
It is not the size of the dog in the fight, it is the size of the fight in the dog.
War is young men dying and old men talking.
A man is more than just the worst thing he has ever done.
Things that annoy us about our horse, can help us learn about ourselves
Not know some things is a normal milestone on the way to knowledge
The greatest change will occur when we stop believing we need to change
Forgetting and laughing is better than remembering and being sad
The things we think we know keeps us from learning what we should know
Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing
Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, small minds talk about people
Sometime Silence is the best answer
When you lose, don't lose the lesson
Man often meets his destiny on the path he chooses to avoid it
Sometime not getting what you want is a stroke of luck
The blue-jay doesn't scream without reason
Cobwebs across a hole mean nothing inside
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated
What weighs an ounce in the morning, weighs a pound at night
Ducks flying overhead in the woods are generally pointed for water
If the turtles on a log are dry, they have been there half an hour or more, which means no one has been near to alarm them
The worm don't see anything pretty about the robin's song
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once and a while
Even a broken watch is right - twice a day
Sometime the memory is worse than the actual event
Those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat
The Guy In the Glass
The Guy in the Glass
by Dale Wimbrow, 1934
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.
Horse Quotes:
To err is human, to blame the horse is even more human.
A Horseman should know neither fear, nor anger.
The most wonderful thing about riding, is getting off and knowing you've both enjoyed it.
A stubborn horse walks behind you, an impatient horse walks in front of you, but a noble companion walks beside you.
Care, and not fine stables, makes a good horse.
Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly!
The horse stopped with a jerk, and the jerk fell off.
When you are on a great horse, you have the best seat you will ever have.
I have seen things so beautiful, they have brought tears to my eyes. Yet, none of them can match the gracefulness and beauty of a horse running free.
The horse you get off is not the same as the horse you got on; it is your job as a rider to ensure that as often as possible the change is for the better.
All horses deserve - at least once in their lives - to be loved by a little girl.
Most horses have back problems, but the problem is normally on their back & not in their back.
If you take the time it takes, it will take less time.
Horse's need a strong leader, not a rough and tough leader
A poor craftsman blames his tools; A poor horseman blames his horse.
In tug-of-war, the dumber animal always wins.
Ask not what your horse can do for you - Ask what you can do for your horse.
A young trooper should have an old horse.
No one can teach riding so well as a horse.
If anybody expects to calm a horse down by tiring him out, riding swiftly and far, his supposition is the reverse of the truth.
Riding: The art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.
A horse's performance will always be enabled, enhanced or limited, by the skills of it's human partner.
How do you catch a loose horse? - Make a noise like a carrot.
No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle.
Every time you ride, you're either teaching or un-teaching your horse.
A horse need direction, not correction.
A horse loves freedom, and the weariest old work horse will roll on the ground or break into a lumbering gallop when he is turned loose into the open.
All I pay my psychiatrist is the cost of feed and hay, and he'll listen to me any day.
There is as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
In riding a horse we borrow freedom and share it with the Horse.
Riders who force their horses by the use of the whip only increase their fear; for they then associate the pain with the thing that frightens them.
God forbid that I should go to any Heaven in which there are no horses.
Wherever man has left his footprint, you will find the hoofprint of the horse beside it.
The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears.
Feeling down? Saddle up.
Do unto your horse as you would have your horse do unto you.
One man's wrong lead is another man's counter-canter.
One reason why birds and horses are happy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.
Horses lend us the wings we lack.
If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question, or asked the question wrong.
Horses - if God made anything more beautiful, He kept it for Himself.
The daughter who won't lift a finger in the house is the same child who cycles madly off in the pouring rain to spend all morning mucking out a stable.
If you don't know where you're going, the horse will decide for you.
A horse doesn't care how much you know until he knows how much you care.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Horses are the dolphins of the plains, the spirits of the wind; yet we sit astride them for the sake of being well-groomed, whereas they could have all the desire in the world to bolt, but instead, they adjust their speed and grace, only to please us, never to displease.
There are only two emotions that belong in the saddle; one is a sense of humor and the other is patience.
What the colt learns in youth he continues in old age.
A horse is like a violin, first it must be tuned, and when tuned, it must be accurately played.
Without the horse what would have become of man? It has served us for transport, in agriculture and industry since the dawn of time.
The eternal and wonderful sight of horses at liberty is magical to watch.
A horse is an animal not a machine and is only as good as it's rider.
Never drink down-stream from your horse!
Good horses make short miles.
Riding is not a sport, it is a passion. If you do not share the passion, you do not know the sport, and therefore you are wasting your time.
Amazingly fast, incredibly strong, tirelessly proud, fantastically gentle, he is a huge dark beast that touches the hearts of all who meet him.
Do not underestimate a horse's pride, or he will dent yours.
A horse has so docile a nature that he would always rather do right than wrong, if only he could be taught to distinguish one from the other.
The history of mankind is carried on the back of the horse.
No heaven can heaven be, if a horse isn't there to welcome me.
There are no problem horses, just problem riders.
When will they make a tractor that can furnish the manure for farm fields and produce a baby tractor every spring?
A horse in the wind - is a perfect symphony.
Drumming hooves, quiet ground... nature's song of joy.
PLEASE don't feed fingers to the horses.
Horse Woman's rule: If it has tires, testicles or hooves, you are going to have problems with it.
The world is best viewed through the ears of a horse.
Definition: Gallop - The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the stable.
He knows when you are happy, he knows when you are proud, he also knows when you have a carrot.
Where would a rider be without a horse?
Horses can't talk but they can speak, if you know how to listen.
He who needs a mounting block to get in the saddle, had better not fall off in the middle of the field.
Give a horse what he needs and he will give you his heart in return.
If the horse does not enjoy his work, his rider will have no joy.
A good horse is never a bad color.
Use your head, not your spurs.
Put some excitement between your legs; ride a horse.
To understand the soul of a horse is the closest we humans can come to knowing perfection.
There ain't a horse that can't be rode; there ain't a man that can't be thrown.
God held a handful of ash, blew into it saying "Let it be the purest of creatures." Out of His hand galloped the horse.
As his ungrateful rider whips and spurs, the horse thinks an important warning, "I can run faster without you!"
On horseback you could ride through the cattle and they would pay no attention; but the minute you dismount, you become a threat.
My horses are my friends, not my slaves.
The horse, with beauty unsurpassed, strength immeasurable, and grace unlike any other, still remains humble enough to carry a man upon his back.
Experienced riders are not prone to brag. And usually newcomers, if they start out being boastful, end up modest.
The golden rule in dealing with a horse - is never to approach him angrily. Anger is so devoid of forethought that it will often drive a man to do things which in a calmer mood, he will regret.
The size of a horse has nothing to do with the size of his heart.
Small children are convinced that ponies deserve to see the inside of the house.
Poverty is another word for owning a horse.
For what the horse does under compulsion, is done without understanding; and there is no beauty in it, any more than if one would whip and spur a dancer.
The knowledge of the nature of a horse is one of the first foundations of the art of riding it and every horseman must make it his principal study.
In order to have good hands, they must be light, gentle, and firm.
There are times when you can trust a horse, times when you can't and times when you have to.
There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.
A little horseplay is the best way to enjoy a summer day!
A horse is an angel without wings
A good rider can hear his horse speak to him, a great rider can hear his horse whisper, but a bad rider won't hear his horse even if it screams at him!
The hardest thing about learning to ride is the ground.
The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never.
A man of kindness to his horse, is kind, but brutal actions show a brutal mind.
It is the difficult horses that have the most to give you.
You cannot train a horse with shouts and expect it to obey a whisper.
In training horses, one trains himself
No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle.
A horse is an animal not a machine and is only as good as it's rider.
It is a poor horseman that blames his horse for mistakes.
Be wary of the horse with a sense of humor.
Bread may feed my body, but my horse feeds my soul.
Amazingly fast, incredibly strong, tirelessly proud, fantastically gentle, he is a huge dark beast that touches the hearts of all who meet him.
The history of mankind is carried on the back of the horse.
What the horse does under compulsion, is done without understanding and there is no beauty in it.
Even the greenest horse has something to teach the wisest rider.
Green on green equals black and blue.
They say he rides like part of the horse, but they don't say which part.
Give a horse what he needs and he will give you his heart in return.
A horse in hand is worth a herd in the hills.
Use your head, not your spurs.
As a horse runs, think of it as a game of tag with the wind.
To me, horses and freedom are synonymous.
A horse can lend it's rider the speed and strength he or she lacks, but the rider who is wise remembers it is no more than a loan.
A lovely horse is always an experience; It is an emotional experience of the kind that is spoiled by words.
Many people have sighed for the "good old days" and regretted the "passing of the horse" but today, when only those who like horses own them, it is a far better time for horses.
Horses change lives. They give our young people confidence and self-esteem. They provide peace and tranquility to troubled souls-they give us hope!
May your belly never grumble, may your heart never ache; May your horse never stumble, may your cinch never break.
Life is good; a horse makes it better.
A horse already knows how to be a horse; the rider has to learn how to become a rider.
A horse without a rider is still a horse; a rider without a horse is no longer a rider.
You can tell a gelding, you can ask a mare, but you must discuss it with a stallion.
Home away from home, is on a horse's back
Horses are a lot like nuts and bolts - if the rider's nuts, the horse bolts
A hot horse and a hot head don't mix.
You know you love your horse when your mouth waters at the sight of a wagon-full of hay.
Ways To Get In Shape To Own A Horse:
Drop a heavy steel object on your foot, don't pick it up right away and Shout "Get off, Get off!"
Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice rolling lightly into a ball and spring to your feet.
Learn to grab your checkbook and write out a $200 check without even looking down.
Jog long distances carrying a halter and holding out a carrot.
Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
Borrow the US Army slogan; "Be all that you can be, add bitten, thrown, kicked, slimmed, trampled. Lie face down in the mud and repeat to yourself: "This is a learning experience"
It is not enough that a man know how to ride; he must know how to fall
Old Country Sayings; AKA: Colloquialism
Can a one legged duck swim in a circle
Happy as a puppy with a new flea
Tougher than a two dollar steak
Call me butter cuz I'm on a roll
This is more dangerous than French kissing a rattlesnake
On him like a wild dog on a ham
Busier than one armed paper hanger
I so busy I don't if I found a rope or lost my horse
Uglier than the east end of a bull heading west
Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs
Lying like a snake in the grass
Smells bad enough to stink a dog off a gut wagon
Up shit creek without a paddle
Lower than the belly of a snake in a wagon track
As tired as a whore on nickel night
That dog won't hunt
So skinny you would have to stand up twice to make a shadow
Happy as a tick on a fat dog
He has the attention span of a chicken on speed
He is so dumb if he saw a sign that said wet floor - he would
It's like trying to nail Jell-o to a wall
If you are going to get the grief, you might as well get the gravy too
Faster than a dog's tail in a meat market
The elevators in the basement and the cord has been cut
He is so green if you stuck him in the ground he would grow
Stupid as a fried Popsicle
Nuttier than squirrel's turd
Ten pounds of shit in a five pound bad
Sharp as a marble or Sharp as a bowling ball
About as organized as a bag of chips
Sweating like a dog in a Chinese restaurant
Looks like it has been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe
I'll snatch you bald headed
Deader than Elvis or graveyard dead
As useful as a rubber crutch
You look like five miles of bad road
It's colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra face down in the snow on the north side of an igloo
Dumb as a fence post
Cute as a duck in a hat
Big guy: He is easier to jump over than walk around
Short guy: He would have to stand on a brick to kick a duck in the ass
He is one ass kicking away from being a pretty nice fellow
Fell from an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
Moving as fast as a herd of turtles
Does a fish have a watertight asshole
It's your little red wagon, you can push it or pull it
Useless as a screen door on submarine
About as useful as a condom machine at the Vatican
He would pump the hole in Flipper's head
Its like swimming through peanut butter
Crazy as a sack of bees
He would be all over that like a fat kid on a candy bar
About as peaceful as two cats tied by the tail and hung over a clothes line
Ugly as a bucket full of assholes
So buck-toothed he could eat corn through a fence
Happy as a pig in Palestine
When tired: I'm out like a fat girl stealing second
One test is worth a thousand expert opinions
Let's make like a newborn baby and head out (to leave)
You've got to feel sorry for her - she's had more disappointments than a damp match
He has a face made for radio
He acts like he is 10 feet tall and bulletproof
Shot at and missed and shit at and hit
I'd tell her a joke that would knock her tits off, but I see she has already heard it
Broke as a whore during lent
Tits like a fried egg hanging on a nail
The wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead
Do you want your dinner now or when you get it
I need you like Custard needed more Indians
If you put your brain in a duck, it would fly backwards
I would like to buy him for what he is worth and sell him for what he thinks he is worth
He didn't get there on a paved road
Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining
Grinning like a Possum eating a sweet potato
Don't call him a cowboy until you have seen him ride
An empty wagon makes the most noise
A shallow brook is noisiest
Once bread is toast, it can't be bread again
This is as fun as watching paint dry
Like shit on shoe, I have been around
I was born at night, not last night
Dumber than a dial tone
Your John Wayne mouth is writing checks your Don Knotts ass can't cash
If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump its ass when it jumped
He doesn't have a pot to piss in or window to throw it out of
Well, I better go to bed so these nice people can go home
Sucks like a fat girl in a Navy town
For No: does a chicken have lips
For Yea: does a bear shit in the woods
(for someone standing in your way) You make a better door than a window
Crooked as a dog's hind leg or crooked as a cork screw
I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar
Vanished as fast as a donut at a Police convention
Tallest midget in the circus
That's as funny as a flood in a Alka seltzer factory
If someone told you to haul ass you would have to make six trips
A good deal is - like a sore dick--hard to beat.
Better an empty house than an unwelcome guest
Quieter than a mouse pissing on cotton
Build a fire for a man, and he will be warm for one night. Set his ass on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
His family tree is a trunk
That boy could screw up a one car funeral
When leaving: I out like a boner in boxers
Like a duck on a june bug
Busier than a one legged cat in a sandbox
Happiness walks on busy feet
Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest
Busier than a cross eyed cranberry picker
Busier than a one armed cab driver with crabs
Busier than a one armed pimp in a bitch slapping contest
Busier than a puppy in room full of rubber balls
I don't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted
Busier than a set of jumper cables at a redneck wedding
Tough titty said the kitty
She is has lost as last year's Easter eggs
Useful as a steering wheel on a mule
Faster than a hot knife through butter
Empty as a lawyer's heart
If that boy had a good idea it would die of loneliness
His brain rattles like a bb in a boxcar
Boy you got your stupid head on today
That guy couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a handful a pardons
Dancing like a cat on a hot tin roof
Full as a Arkansas Tick
He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow
You're lying like a no legged dog
That guy could make a preacher cuss
Hell, she could even depress the devil
He would gripe with a ham under each arm
Don't you look prettier than a slice of butter on a pile of pancakes
He is as handy as a back pocket on a shirt
If brains were leather he would not have enough to saddle a june bug
The engine is running but nobody's driving
He is so dumb he could throw himself on the ground and miss
He is acting crazier than sprayed cockroach
He is so rich he buys a new boat every time it gets wet
You've got Champagne taste with a beer pocketbook
He squeezes a quarter so tight, the eagle screams
It's drier than happy hour at a Betty Ford clinic
It is so dry the trees are bribing dogs
He looks like something the dog has been keeping under the porch
She is so ugly I would hire her to haunt a house
That boy looks like he was beat with an ugly stick
He is so crooked he could hide behind a cork screw
She is so skinny if she stuck her tongue out she would look like a zipper
She so skinny if she drank tomato juice she would look like a thermometer
His family tree ain't got no branches
His family tree looks like a telephone pole
She has got 10 foot pole marks all over her
Don't insult the alligator before you cross the stream
He is so skinny it looks like he swapped legs with a wasp and got cheated out of the stinger
Scarce as a hen's teeth
Ain't nothing open after midnight but legs
If you walk in the pasture long enough you are bound to step in shit
If you lay down with dogs, you are bound to get some fleas
You are making a mountain out of molehill
If brains were cotton, she would not have enough to make a kotex for a flea
He's about as useful as ashtray on a motorbike
They call him blister, since he doesn't show up until the work is finished
You are so lazy if you had a third hand, you need a third pocket to put it in
You're as busy a three legged cat with diarrhea on a busy dirt road
I'm so mad I could chew nickels and spit nails
He is just a hole in search of donut
Jesus loves him, but he is the only one
If I had two wheels, I would be a bicycle
Someone needs to put super glue on his foot so the next it gets stuck in his mouth it will stay there
She is pretty as a pumpkin and about half as smart
Get your straw out of my Kool-Aid (meaning mind your own business)
She is so ugly, when she was born her mama used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday
He's so skinny he has to run around the shower to get wet
It's raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up
Raising kids is like being pecked to death by two chickens
Son, you need to learn, if it has tits or tires sooner or later you are going to have trouble with it
He was so ugly when he was born, his mama carried him upside down for a year thinking he only had one eye
A broken watch is right twice a day or Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once and a while
After eating something hot: I have to shit in the creek to stop from setting the woods on fire
When hard times comes in the front door, love goes out the back door
He is so skinny his pants only had one back pocket
You don't have the sense God gave a chigger
He couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat
That boy is so slow it would take him two hours to watch 60 minutes
He is so nervous he is shaking like a 50 cent ladder
That girl can burn water
He is tighter than bark on a tree
It's like trying to put a g-string on an alligator
You better get left because you ain't right
He could sell snow to an Eskimo or he could sell firewood in hell
He is so crooked when he dies they will have to screw him into the ground
Boy I will walk a mud hole in you and stomp it dry
Happy as a clam at high tide
I'm as tired as a cucumber in a convent
That boy could tear up a steel ball with a rubber hammer
I'm as lucky as a gardener in the weeds
She is hotter than the sun but not near as bright
You can get glad in the same pants you got mad in
That's as hard as picking fly shit out of pepper
Busier than a bee in a field full of flowers
Is a pig's ass pork
His mama should have chased him away and kept the stork
She could make a train take a dirt road
Ill beat you like a rented mule
Busier than a one eyed cat watching three mice holes
She is so ugly she can make onions cry
He was so scared you could not have shoved a greased bb up his ass
She looks better going than coming
Mean enough to charge hell with a quart of ice water
You could throw her in a river and skim ugly for two days
Don't give me a 50 cent answer for a nickel question
When I ask what time it is - I don't need to know how the watch is built
I'll slap a knot on your head and slap it off before it has time to rise
I'll slap the taste out of your mouth or I'll slap you into next week
I'm so broke I can't afford to pay attention
I used to walk barefooted to and from school in the snow and it was uphill both ways
Don't wrestle with a pig, you will both get dirty and the pig likes it
He is all hat and no cattle
That kid could break an anvil
Longer than a visit from my mother in law
Hay is just the first stage of bullshit
You are about as grateful as a toothache
Uglier than homemade stomped dog shit
He traveled a minute in thirty seconds
He's country as a bowl of grits
You look so good I'm gonna take you home and sop you up with a biscuit
He's only got one oar in the water
If she were an inch taller she'd be round
Swingin' my legs from a dime
She's got them summer teeth" -- meaning "some are" here, "some are" there
He can get glad the same way he got mad, or else he's gon' die unhappy
I'll knock you into the middle of next week looking' both ways for Sunday
She had a hissy fit with a tail on it
Caint(can't) never could do nothing
It's been hotter than a goat's butt in a pepper patch
She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm
My cow died last night so I don't need your bull
He's as country as cornflakes
Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor
Like a moth to a flame
I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out
He's as crooked as a barrel of snakes
You're digging your own grave
If there's one rat you can see, there's gonna be 50 you can't
Your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower!
He couldn't carry a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on it
faster than a knife fight in a phone booth
higher than a Georgia pine (drunk)
I'll knock you so hard you'll see tomorrow today
She's madder than a wet hen in a tote sack
Fish or cut bait
He could tear up a railroad track with a rubber hammer
I knowed him since he wuz knee high to a grasshopper
I'm feeling as low as a toad in a dry well
Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing
It's cold enough to hang meat in here
She could talk a dog off a meat wagon
He could cut himself with a picture of a razor
You need to count your fingers after shaking hands with him
I wouldn't speak to her if I met her in hell and she was carrying a big lump of ice in her hands
I'm mad enough I could eat barbed wire and spit nails
She's so stubborn she'd argue with a stop sign
I'm as busy as a one-armed barber with hives
That food tasted so bad the dog had to lick his ass just to get the taste out of his mouth
Well, I'll be dipped in shit and rolled in breadcrumbs
If you threw him in a barrel of boobs, he'd come out sucking his thumb
It's so foggy, you have to poke a hole to spit
You just can't polish a turd
Looking at me like a cow at a new fence
Smiling like a jackass eating cactus
That guy is harder to catch than my wife's boyfriend (when someone can't get to a phone)
He's so stupid that if you moved his plate five inches to the left he'd starve to death
Not the brightest porch light on the block
Like spitting' on the Easter bunny (said of something tasteless or low)
So cold the dogs were stuck to the fire hydrants
He's so dumb if you pushed his brain up an ant's ass it'd rattle like a BB in a box car
Just cause the cat gives birth in the oven, that don't make them kittens biscuits
Sweating like a virgin at a prison rodeo
Sweating like a whore in confession
As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party
Big hat, no cattle = All talk and no action
We've howdied but we ain't shook yet = We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced
She's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth = That woman can talk
Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly
This ain't my first rodeo = I've been around awhile
They ate supper before they said grace = Living in sin
Don't just sit there looking' like a tree full of owls
I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire
He couldn't find his ass with both hands and a flashlight
Shit in one hand, wish in the other, and see which one fills up first
Don't worry 'bout the mule son, just load the wagon - just do your part and I'll do mine
There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging'.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep
Stop picking fly Shit out of pepper (picking at useless details)
At least I'm on the green side of the grass
You can put him in a rubber room with two anvils and he'd lose one and break the other.
Hotter than a 2 dollar pistol
If i was feeling any better i'd give five dollars for a good headache
Doing pushups in the snow
Sharp as a ball peen hammer
Hotter than a 2 dollar whore
Crooked as a snake's back
Meaner than a junkyard dog
Sweating' like three hillbillies tryin' to write a letter
Slower than evolution
Slower than the second coming of Christ
Folded up like a 2 dollar lawn chair
So tight you could stick a toothpick up his butt and throw his hips out of joint
Keeping your word may cost you some money, but it'll never cost your reputation
DRT Dead right there
Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra in a snow blizzard in December
Does it come with a big-titted blond?
Dumber than snake mittens
Don't know shit from shinola
Cold as a whore's heart or cold as a lawyer's heart
He couldn't sell ice water to people in hell
As mad as an old wet hen
Hotter than a fresh f**ked fox in a forest fire
You're driving like a dog pissing - for people that drive slow
He has more chins than a Chinese phone book
Grinning like a butcher's dog
Hotter than a bride in June
Beat like a red-headed step child
Sweating like a poodle at Michael Vick's house
So hot, i saw an amish guy buying an air conditioner
Well, cut my legs off and call me shorty
So hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider
Harder than a mummy's nuts
As ugly as sin
As old as the hills
If someone 'screws' you over: I didn't even get a reach-around
Don't spit into the wind, pull Superman's cape or mess with old Leroy Brown
If you couldn't tear it up, you would shit on it
His/Her biscuits ain't all baked
Older than grandma's buckskin bra
He's crazier than a road-runnin' lizard
She's pretty as a speckled pup
He's tighter than a fiddle string
Don't just sit there like a frog on a log
I'm so thirsty I could drink the well dry
I'll whoop you so bad you'll hollar 'ya'll stop' and it'll be just me
Keep it up and I'll cancel your birth certificate.
He's as happy as if he had good sense.
If I tell you that rooster dips snuff, you better check under his wing for the can
If brains was grease, he couldn't slick the head of a pin
That man ain't got the decency to die
Boy, if I ever see you cross a picket line, I'm gonna forget you ever lived
It's hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell
If I had a dog as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt and make him walk backwards
I wasn't sittin' on the bedpost." ("I don't know their private business
She's about as mean as a bull fighting a bear
Well, slap my head and call me silly
You'll go to hell for lyin' just as fast as fer stealin' chickens
He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees
Deep in the South where sushi is still called bait
You can't tell nobody nothing that aint ever been nowhere
I'll slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleepin
The squeaky wheel gets the grease
Why, bless your heart. (You're clueless.)
That would make a Pope mad enough to kick in stained-glass windows
My short skirt: Girl, people will be able to see to Christmas
She's as ugly as homemade soap" -- or "She's as ugly as a bowling shoe
Slower than a bread wagon with biscuit wheels
You know more than a Philadelphia lawyer
I'm gonna tan your hide. (Meaning: You're about to get a whoopin'
You'd call an alligator a lizard (liar)
Haven't seen you in a coon's age
Every day of the week and twice on Sundays
Can't get blood from a turnip
Can't fix stupid
Playing possum (pretending to be asleep)
Useful as a broken leg
Torn up like a New Jersey train wreck
So hungry my belly thinks my throat's been cut
Dug in like an Arkansas tick
Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash
There's a tree stump in a Louisiana swamp with a higher IQ
Some village is missing their idiot
Colder than a banker's heart on foreclosure day at the widows' and orphans' home
If I'm lying, I'm dying
Slower than a Sunday afternoon
Faster than green grass through a goose
She's so sweet, sugar wouldn't melt in her mouth
What happened, did Chevrolet stop makin' trucks (why so sad)
When you get the chills or a shiver you say "a cow just ran over my grave
She could piss off the Pope
He's so dumb he couldn't piss his name in the snow
You could start an argument in an empty house
That coffee's strong enough to float an iron spoon
All that glitters is not gold
A snowball's chance in Hell
Slow as pond water
I know it didn't grow legs and walk off
Well, hush my mouth
He is all flash and no cash
Don't throw good money after bad money
Well, color me stupid
Meaner than a sack full of rattlesnakes
Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining
Like a bull in a china shop
Tougher than a one eared alley cat
Sorry as a two dollar watch
Knee high to a bullfrog
Faster than greased lightning
Can't carry a tune in a bucket
Smart as tree bark
Counting your chickens before the eggs hatch
Circle the wagons
Don't let the tail wag the dog
Aren't you a sight for sore eyes
If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch
The apple never falls too far from the old tree
Three men can get along; three women can't
You're burnin daylight
Those pants are so tight I can see her religion
Right now, I'd just as soon whoop ya as hug ya
That coffee's stronger'n M'ssippi Mud
Who's pluckin' this chicken, me or you
That picture's more crooked than a Louisiana politician
You want your coffee leaded or unleaded? (caffeine or decaf)
She'll be late to her own funeral
Well, IF my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle
Gimme one for the ditch (one for the road)
You roll those eyes at me one more time and I'll roll that head of yours
Couldn't carry a tune if it had a handle on it covered in glue
If you get any taller, I'm going to have to put a rock on your head
Me and my brother picked cotton for thirty years one summer
Duller than dishwater
Stump hole ugly
You feel froggy? Jump!
If the good Lord's willin' and the creek don't rise
He ain't got no "home trainin
Bubba, yo' mess out here is startin' to resemble a soup sandwich
Bless your pea-pickin' lil' heart
Good enough to make you smack yer granny
Don't go gittin above yer raisin'." Meaning: Don't act higher socially than you are
If your brains were turned to gas it wouldn't run a piss-ant's go-kart around the inside of a Cheerio
I'm older than I look, 'cause every time I did something wrong as a kid momma would knock me into next week
I'll jerk a knot in you
Old as the hills on grandma's chest
If You try to stir too many pots and you'll end up putting vinegar in the pudding and vanilla extract in the turnip greens
So dry the catfish are carrying canteens
I've seen animals hurt worse than that get well. (Said to person eating a rare steak)
He ain't sawing logs, he's clearing brush
Your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower
I was just checking for holes in my eyelids
I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.
If a skirt is riding up or too short: "Law, pull that down--we kin see plumb to the Promised Land
He traveled a minute in thirty seconds
He's only got one oar in the water
Half of getting what you want is knowing what you have to give up to get it.
CONFUCIUS QUOTES
Rotten wood cannot be sculpted.
People who do not think far enough ahead, inevitably have worries near at hand.
Be respectful at home, serious at work, faithful in human relations. Even if you go to uncivilized areas, their virtues are not to be abandoned.
Exemplary People understand matters of justice; small people understand matters of profit.
Exemplary people concern themselves with virtue, small people concern themselves with territory.
Three kinds of friends are beneficial and three are harmful. When friends are honest, sincere, or knowledgeable, they are beneficial. When friends are pretentious, fawning or opportunistic, they are harmful.
Those whose paths are not the same do not consult one another.
Those who are born knowing are best; those who know by leanings are next. Those who study only when they come to an impasse rank after that. Those who do not study even when at an impasse are considered lowest of the people.
Those who have virtue have something to say, but those who have something to say do not necessarily have virtue.
Good people decrease what is too much, to add to what is too little, accessing things and dealing impartially.
Good people stop evil and promote good.
Good people inspire others and nurture virtue.
Cultivated people foster what is good in others, not what is bad. Petty people do the opposite.
Study without thinking, and you are blind; think without studying, and you are in danger.
Good people keep the petty at a distance, being stern without ill will.
It is not good enough that everyone likes you or dislikes you. It is better when the good among the people like you and the bad dislike you.
If you associate with those who are not centered in their actions, you will become either too uninhibited or too inhibited. Those who are too uninhibited are too aggressive, while those who are too inhabited are too passive.
Good people refrain from what is improper.
If you act on the basis of profit, you will be much resented.
Cultivated people are ashamed to say more than they can do.
Don't worry about the recognition of others; worry about your own lack of ability.
If you are personally upright, things get done without any orders being given. If you are not personally upright, no one will obey even if you do give orders.
Confucius fished with a pole and did use a net; when he hunted, he did not shoot a roosting bird.
Good people are careful about what they say and moderate in eating and drinking.
To propitiate a spirit not one's own is to curry favor; to see justice but not do it is to lack courage.
Good people stand without changing places.
The armed forces may be deprived of their commander, but a man cannot be deprived of his will.
Good people are factual in their speech, consistent in their deeds.
How do you please your boss, don't deceive him, even if you have to offend him.
Ideal people are universal and not clannish. Small minded people are clannish and not universal.
I choose the good and follow it, and try to change what is not good.
Good people forgive faults and pardon crimes.
If you cannot correct yourself, what can you do about correcting others.
To be poor without bitterness is easy; to be rich without arrogance is hard.
People in power worry about getting something, once they have it they worry about losing it. As long as they are worried about losing, there is not telling what they will do.
If you make a mistake and don't correct it, that is called a mistake.
Place loyalty and faithfulness first; don't associate with anyone who is not as good as you are, and don't hesitate to change when you have erred.
Virtue is never isolated; it always has neighbors.
It those nearby are pleased, those far away will come.
Good people prepare weapons to guard against the unexpected.
To go to war with untrained people is tantamount to abandoning them.
Few lose out on account of Prudence.
Good people follow virtue, building on the small to attain the great.
There are sprouts that do not send up shoots; there are shoots that do not bear fruit.
Don't wish for speed; don't see small advantages. If you wish for speed, you won't succeed; If you see small advantages, great things will not be accomplished.
Cultivated people reach upward; petty people reach downward.
Superior people can certainly come to an impasse. It is the petty person who loses self-control at an impasse.
Good people persist to the end and find out if something is wrong.
Promote the honest over the crooked, and the people will obey. Promote the crooked over the honest and the will surely not obey.
Respond to hostility with honesty; respond to virtue with virtue.
Good people articulate directions and carry out tasks.
In funerals, sadness is more important than the arrangements.
When Confucius ate beside someone in mourning, he never ate his fill. On a day that he had himself mourned, Confucius did not sing.
Good people consider problems and prevent them.
A cultivated person does not promote people on account of what they say, nor ignore what is said because of who is saying it.
When everyone dislikes something, it should be examined. When everyone likes something, it should be examined.
A commitment to better oneself therefore implies dedication to the welfare of others.
Crimes among the lower classes reflects corruption in the upper classes.
Truthful words offend the ears. So it is regarded as commonplace for people who speak truthfully to be resented.
Those who conquer themselves are strong.
Many philosophers consider evaluation of individual qualities and talents one of the most important task of leadership.
When biting and painful slander does not affect you, then you can be called clear and perceptive
When you see wise people, think of becoming equal to them, when you see unwise people, reflect inwardly on yourself.
A disciple asked Confucius about government: See to it that there is enough food, enough arms and the trust of the people in government. If one must go, omit arms. If two must go, omit arms and food. Since ancient times, people have died, but nothing can be accomplished without the trust of the people.
It is after the coldest weather that you know the pine and the cedar outlast the withering.
The qualities of social leaders are wind, the qualities of the common people are grass; grass will always bend in the wind.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.
Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.
If a man takes no thought about what is distant, he will find sorrow near at hand.
The cautious seldom err.
The firm, the enduring, the simple, and the modest are near to virtue.
The superior man...does not set his mind either for anything, or against anything; what is right he will follow.
Things that are done, it is needless to speak about...things that are past, it is needless to blame.
An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger.
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.
Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage.
He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.
If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop
It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
Silence is a true friend who never betrays.
Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
The cautious seldom err.
The object of the superior man is truth.
The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
To see and listen to the wicked is already the beginning of wickedness.
To see the right and not to do it is cowardice.
When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.
Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men.
You cannot open a book without learning something.
It is better to play than do nothing
He who knows all the answers has not been asked all the questions.
Wherever you go, go with all your heart
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials
The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones
If what one has to say is not better than silence, then one should keep silent
The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life
Give a bowl of rice to a man and you will feed him for a day. Teach him how to grow his own rice and you will save his life
Study the past if you would define the future
Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses
A lion chased me up a tree, and I greatly enjoyed the view from the top
The hardest thing of all is to find a black cat in a dark room, especially if there is no cat
The superior man thinks always of virtue; the common man thinks of comfort
When a wise man points at the moon the imbecile examines the finger
One joy dispels a hundred cares
The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home
Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage
The journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step
Ability will never catch up with the demand for it
Education breeds confidence. Confidence breeds hope. Hope breeds peace
Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished
When the wind blows, the grass bends
The noble-minded are calm and steady. Little people are forever fussing and fretting
Learning without thinking is time wasted; Thinking without learning is dangerous
He who sling mud, lose ground
If there were an honorable way to get rich, I'd do it, even if it meant being a stooge standing around with a whip. But there isn't an honorable way, so I just do what I like
The green weed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm
It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them
In his dealings with the world, the gentleman is not invariably for or against anything. He is on the side of what is moral
even four harnessed horses cannot bring imprudent words back into the mouth
At fifteen my mind was directed to study, and at thirty I knew where to stand
It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.
It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools
It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness
Worry not that no one knows of you; seek to be worth knowing
Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue
Look at the means which a man employs, consider his motives, observe his pleasures. A man simply cannot conceal himself
"This Old Horse"
she's seen some better days,
she's eating up my profits,
and costs a lot for hay.
Another horse would suit me,
a stronger one at that,
she's seen a lot of miles
just like my cowboy hat.
This old horse, the Rancher said,
she helped me herd my steer,
I'm pretty sure she's magic,
I know I hold her dear.
Another horse would suit me,
one that can run fast,
maybe one that�s younger,
or maybe one that lasts.
This old horse, the Rancher said,
she's long and far in tooth,
my children do remember,
her fondly from their youth.
Another horse would suit me,
a gelding in his prime,
one that needs less fixin�,
that helps me save a dime.
Why, they asked, then keep her?
why not trade her now?
bring her to an auction?
replace her with a cow?
The Rancher's brow grew heavy,
he took a staggered step,
his eyes did show his hardships,
in wrinkles, as they crept.
His breath, he took in deeply,
as he poised to say his words,
it s as if the earth grew silent,
that his message should be heard.
This old horse, the Rancher said,
has given me her life,
I wouldn't trade for anything,
nor either, would my wife.
Another horse would suit me,
and perhaps someday will come,
but this old gal, I love her,
she is the chosen one.
This old horse, the Rancher said,
her service she did lend,
her and I, have seen the years,
this old horse, she is my friend.
Another horse would suit me well,
but her home is here to keep,
I owe her sanctuary,
my love for her is deep.
Another horse would suit me well,
and younger days for me,
and I will keep my promise,
until our last breaths, set us free."